It’s OK

you lurk in my in mind

I still don’t understand why

How could you leave us?

We were just kids

Smiling ever day trying to hide the pain

Do you understand?

Of course you don’t

You probably not even listening

So, I’ll just sit here in these good memories I have of you

I smile knowing that isn’t true

Memories of the past don’t even exist to me anymore

The pieces just don’t fit,

Like trying to solve a puzzle when the pieces are thrown into shreds

and hiding in the trash can or under the bed

But it’s ok though

Let’s tell jokes to hide the pain

Pretending like everything’s ok

Not talking about how you left that day

Nope, just blame that on my stupid dad

He was never there, right?

Getting drunk everyday,

Watching his pain slip away along with my joy

I cried every night

but of course I don’t remember

Don’t even know if I had dinner

All I know is how hurt that little me was

How could he not love us?

I give up!

But as he sipped away his pain you shot up not thinking about anything

I thought you were going to stay,

But your just the same

And twice to blame

Sadly, I used to think it was cause of me

That I did or said something to make you leave

But I know that’s not true now

You were hurting,

But that doesn’t take back the pain you gave to me

And how you walked out that boor

And stopped caring for me

You said things I will never forgive

You did things that I will never forget

You hurt me but lets just smile like it’s all okay

Cause you clearly don’t care about my pain

Let’s Pretends like these memories your making aren’t fake

Let’s pretend you cared for me that day

That you did it out of love and not just because you gave up

I wish I could say this all to your face,

But I know you’ll just denied everything

I wish I could love you

But there’s no going back to the past

I can’t fix something you keep breaking

So, I gave up

But Your voice still forever haunts me

I just hope you know you’ll be lurking in my memories until the day I die

Luckily that’s not to far from now

So, let’s sit here

Let’s just dance on the pain you gave away

Pretend like it’s all ok

I’ll strap myself down

so let’s wait this shit out

One day you’ll see all the shit you’ve done

You’ll open your eyes and wonder “what have I done”

Let’s just hope it’s not to late

So, mother

I’m sorry if I did it

But you can’t be to mad at me

cause your the reason why I feel like this

But you’ll be ok

I’m just not to good at pretending

It was eating me alive

But of course you probably don’t care

Your probably talking about me now,

Saying how selfish I am

But it’s ok

I know I’m selfish

I know there a million different ways I could handle the pain

But I’m not a fighter or a pretender

I’m not you, Mother